How to Plant and Poach

First you have to check out the telephone poles. They line up in a straight line. On one side is the private property of homeowners. On the other side is the county strip of land about ten feet wide on which someday no one in my little beach town of Los Osos wants to see paved sidewalks, irrigated swaths of grass, and non native plantings.

Once you figure out which side is which, then you have check out the driveways. Start near your house for the shortest commute. Look for a driveway with a broken Big Wheel laying on its side. Or a garishly painted playhouse, maybe an unsafe tree house. Scattered baseball equipment, a towering basketball hoop, or even just a chalked hopscotch outline will do.

Find a section of the county strip near such a driveway that lends itself to your efforts. Dirt is way better than scrub grass. A slope helps. Access to garden hose is a real coup.

Oh yeah, and you’ll need a shovel.

Dig. Dig. Dig. Deep into the ground a pit whose tailings piled up on either side amount to mounds that stand as high as your wheels. One mound will be the take off and the other will be the landing.


You dig?


Ride it over and over again until the lip gives you enough kick and the transition is smooth. Water it until the dirt becomes a rich brown color.

The local controlling authorities (parents and the sheriff’s department) will assume that some neighborhood kids built the jumps. The kids will think that they ‘discovered’ them. And you’ll get to ‘poach’ them.

Planting a few succulents or some endangered California Poppies in the pit is a Martha Stewart touch that might dissuade some adult from flattening out your jumps. At least for the summer…